Nintendo Direct (EU) 17 May 2012: Not-so-live Impressions

Nintendo are swapping their usual E3 presentation for some Nintendo Directs this year, but rather than abandon my usual (dumb, pointless and incredibly late) impressions, I've decided to cover each Nintendo Direct they do around the time of the conference instead. With today's one taking in Wii U releases for the Summer, what better time to start than... several hours after it ended.

Now the proud owner of a (heavily discounted) Wii U basic pack, would Nintendo have any announcements that would stop me using it solely as Rayman Challenges player / bulky SNES coaster? Let's see:

• 00:29 - Updates on games launching this year? Doesn't sound too promising on the new game front. Hype levels falling.
• 00:47 - Arrrgh. Hype levels flat-lining.
• 01:07 - A game from SEGA? Please don't be Sonic. Please don't be Sonic.
• 01:12 - Nope, even worse. It's another Mario & Sonic. I hear that London one was a real banger.
• 01:20 - Moar like So..chit. Amirite?
• 01:27 - Geography with Iwata. :D
• 01:54 - Thank goodness. Enough geography indeed.
• 02.17 - Got to admit, this looks pretty nice at least.
• 02:35 - Peach and Bowser Jr. in a figure skating pair. Don't know if this it's just this, or the DeviantArt works it'll inevitable spawn, but I'm definitely grossed out right now.
• 03:05 - Curling on the gamepad. Sounded like a decent idea until Iwata explained how it worked. Why would you not use the stylus to do the brushing...in front of the ball-y thing?
• 03:17 - Finally the flagship Nintendo FPS we've been waiting for. :D
• 03:22 - Ooh, Isle Delfino. A natural location for an ice rink, of course. Man, now I won't be able to stop thinking of a Mario Sunshine HD remake for the rest of this thing.
• 04:11 - "Sonic and Shadow totally bone"
• 04:26 - No, the "additional information" is that Nintendo seem to be publishing some Sonic titles. Looks like Sonic Lost World is also a real thing.
• 04:41 - And it's another Sonic platformer. Let the cycle begin anew. :)
• 04:59 - Game & Wario. Coming out on June 28 in Europe.
• 05:18 - I have a feeling all the players would enjoy the game much more if they could actually play it themselves.
• 06:07 - Oh well, onto the trailer. Looks like the Gamer segment at least contains the classic microgames people were hoping for.
• 06:25 - Ski and Camera look like pretty shallow mini games though.
• 06:57 - Oh, so they're positing that multiple players can enjoy the game through a Where's Waldo knock-off. Not so sure about that, Iwata.
• 07:31 - Really doesn't look like there's too much substance to G&W. Might be a fun rental, but I don't think it's going alleviate the Wii U drought much.
• 07:35 - Resident Evil Revelations. After skipping 6, I'm really hoping this port turns out well.
• 08:02 - Infernal - a rearrange mode exclusive to Wii U. Never a big fan of those tbh. Any other Wii U exclusive stuff, I wonder?
• 08:40 - Items on the touch screen might just be enough to get me to go for this version.
• 09:07 - Death messages could be pretty neat too. Creature voice seems like a weird feature. Could be pretty funny if they kept censorship to a minimum (but they won't).
• 09:37 - New Super Luigi U. Haven't even picked up NSMBU yet myself, but this could be cool.
• 09:59 - Nabbit? Peach just can't catch a break, can she? :D 
• 10:16 - So Nabbit's basically Shadow Mario from Sunshine then, Bowser Jr. mask included.
• 10:26 - Finally.
• 11:11 - June 20 release date. I wonder what the price point is though?
• 11:30 - Ugh, that music is still the worst. Bah! Bah!
• 12:05 - New Super Luigi U is coming out as a standalone retail game. Anything to pad that release schedule eh, Nintendo? Got to admit I do kind of want it though. That green case is pretty hot.
• 12:40 - A launch date for The Wonderful 101 at last.
• 12:58 - August 23 in Europe - sooner than I expected.
• 13:10 - I swear, if this is another Pikmin 3 delay, I am going to throw this entire PC out the window.
• 14:50 - No Olimar this time I guess, but lots of fruit collection.
• 15:12 - Seems like classic Pikmin. Looks like there might be some kind of hunger mechanic for the playable characters this time though. Not sure if want.
• 17:43 - Gamepad map functionality looks awesome. "KopPad" though?
• 18:41 - Haven't we been over the control options already last year? There better not be an extensive Nintendo Land demo to follow. :D
• 19:26 - Oh, so the KopPad is named after the characters' planet. Should have paid attention earlier. :D
• 19:41 - Shit. July 26. That's not far off.
• 19:56 - And that's a wrap. Nothing new to get excited about this time (sorry, Mario & Sonic), but at least we finally have dates for Pikmin 3 and The Wonderful 101. That release schedule is still looking sparse, but between those two, Game & Wario and the Luigi DLC at least I know I'll have something to play on the Wii U over the Summer months. I think it's pretty safe to say that none of those games is going to give the console the shot in the arm it needs right now though given its faltering sales performance. Will they have anything that'll fit the bill come E3? Time will tell, I guess.