Nintendo Direct 01/11/18: Not-so-live Impressions

Wait, what? We're just announcing that Nintendo Directs have already happened via email now - emails that spoil FREAKING EVERYTHING!!? Not even a full Direct, but a Mini??? And I thought I was upset seeing that Chibi-Robo amiibo being set ablaze on Twitter yesterday:

Brothers and sisters.

I have made the sacrifice.

The #NintendoDirect shall come forth. pic.twitter.com/Oirsl2pPsp

— VJ (@VikingGamesLive) January 10, 2018

Hoo boy. This is what watching snuff must be like.

Hey, it's all spoiled, but I guess, let's take a look anyway? Damn it, Nintendo!!

• 00:13 - Oh, what? No Koizumi even. Just Annoying Voice-over Guy. This sucks. :D

• 00:22 - A Nintendo DS classic? Huh, well I guess they didn't spoil EVERYTHING in the email. The World Ends with You, maybe? I've always wanted to give that a try.

• 00:32 - Oh shit! I'm right.

• 00:45 - This is great. As a renowned portable hater, remaking DS games for the Switch is something I can very much get behind. This came out TEN YEARS AGO though? Holy crap, I'm old!

• 00:59 - I was a little worried about graphics given they were only showing the game inside a frame up to now, but this actually looks pretty good.
• 01:07 - Oh? A rare Switch touch-screen game. Regular controls too, so big screen TWEWY here we go!

• 01:22 - 2018. Cool!

• 01:28 - New Pokkén fighters. Who could care? :D Oh wait, hold on a sec; they've dropped the headlines list from this Direct. I won't have to be looking off-screen at random stuff to avoid spoilers any more. Hooray!
• 01:30 - In fairness though, they did still spoil a ton of announcements in that announcement email, but I guess they're learning. Maybe?

• 02:20 - Remember kids, this DLC is totally not a season pass. You just pay for it up front, and then it gets released in 'waves', alright? (At least they're being very upfront here though about what this season pass actually includes, unlike Breath of the Wild.)

• 02:26 - A Dragon Quest Builders demo - another demo I'd actually download if I could. I'm still Switchless right now though. That Bayonetta 3 announcement at The Game Awards certainly moved the needle a little on that, but I'm still holding out for a better deal at the moment.

• 02:40 - New copy abilities for Kirby? Oh boy! Please explain them all to me in excruciating detail. (Oh, I'm sure this game will be fun, but come on...)

• 02:46 - Big fan of Kirby's Noddy Holder hat here.

• 03:43 - A Hyrule Warriors port for the Switch. And there I was predicting back at E3 that Wii U ports were just about done. This is more than all you Wii U haters; all you casuals deserve! :D

• 03:53 - Hell yeah, Linkle! Have to say though: the graphics here not looking especially polished-up from the Wii U; not in the slightest actually.

• 04:16 - Breath of the Wild outfits too; along with all the DLC. This is a pretty nice package for anyone who hasn't played this yet. It's a pretty fun game. Maybe it helped that I hadn't played any Warriors games previously, and the Zelda setting certainly contributed too, but I had a blast with this.

• 04:34 - Mario Tennis Aces. Hmm, hard to get too excited for another one given how Ultra Smash, and the last few Mario Sports games in general turned out, but who knows, maybe this will be the one to buck the trend.

• 04:51 - I don't know This looks a lot like Ultra Smash though. Where's all the fun Mushroom Kingdom stuff?

• 05:05 - Okay, now this is what I'm talking about! Story mode too? You have my attention, Nintendo.

• 05:17 - Spring? Wow, they've been working on this one on the quiet for a while. Camelot back again judging by the copyright up there.

• 05:33 - Ys VIII. These games are supposed to be really great. I have a bunch of them on Steam, of course. Unplayed, naturally.

• 06:20 - Yikes! We're still doing this Japan, huh?

• 06:40 - Luigi's Balloon World - well, that sure sounds like a realm of nightmares. Do go on.

• 07:04 - So, it's hide-and-seek with balloons then. Well, that's disappointing.

• 07:22 - Mario Sunshine and ska outfits? Giant Bomb would approve.

• 07:27 - Speaking of nightmares... This gold snapshot filter is horrifying.

• 07:46 - SNK Heroines Tag Team Frenzy??? There was a time when I tried to get into 2D fighting games that weren't SFII and KI. That time has long passed.

• 08:44 - Hamster still doing it with SNK games. There must be quite a library by now. I feel like I got most of what I wanted on the Wii though. Wouldn't mind the original Magical Drop though maybe.

• 09:06 - DK coming to Mario + Rabbids. That's cool, I guess. I suppose I've never really been that big a fan of DK tbh. Certainty not since Rare got taken out of the picture. That 'Yuu' WUH-Hooo' voice he has now: the worst.

• 09:55 - Payday 2. Oh right, that's still happening. Just like that mythical, paid Nintendo online service, if that blurb on the top is to be believed.
• 10:10 - HD rumble? Oh wow, I'd almost completely forgotten that that was a thing. :D

• 10:38 - Fe. That EA game? The unprecedented partnership, it's back on, you guys.

• 10:59 - This does look really cool though. (How will EA ruin it, or the studio that's making it? Place your bets now.)

• 11:33 - Celeste. You know, sadly, I think I'm past the point where I can automatically say this looks cool, or interesting to me. Honestly, this looks like another potentially quite difficult 2D game with some great pixel art. My mileage has varied greatly with those at this point, even with some that seem generally loved by everyone else.

• 11:47 - Tropical Freeze. Another Wii U port: oh boy! Played through the first handful of levels of this on the Wii U not so long ago, and I don't know, it's kind of.. meh. It seems like a well-made game, but it's just not the DKC experience I'm after. I find the Retro ones often too hard for their own good, and also way too focused on collectables. Maybe it's just me, but I hate it when I finish a level in a platformer, only to be reminded that I haven't finished shit; that there are still a dozen 'important' things that I didn't pick up back there. Maybe I'm crazy, but I don't think the Rare games took either difficulty, or collectables to the same extreme, and they were all the better for it. AND, while I'm ranting, the generic-looking levels and general upbeatness of the Retro games don't hold a candle for me when compared to the wonderfully dark, strange atmosphere of the original games. (Maybe the David Wise score will get me to like Tropical Freeze more as I get further into it. I'm not holding my breath though.)

• 12:07 - Oh wait, Funky Kong is in it now? Forget everything I just said.

• 12:46 - Hmm. "Something wicked" eh? Finally, that Ganondorf character action game we've all been waiting for!
• 12:57 - Oh right! Dark Souls. D'uh!

• 13:30 - Indeed. Still need to give this series a shot. I think I'm more up for it now tbh. I'd always been scared off by the tales of how difficult these games were, but the more time has gone on, the more video content has become a thing, the more I've seen some of the same people who vouched for the sheer brutality of these games abso-frickin'-llutely suck at everything else. I guess I'll find out, but I'm not so sure I really buy into the myth anymore.
• 14:13 - And that's a wrap.

Hey, wait a freaking second...

What was this all about, Nintendo?? A perfectly good amiibo was destroyed because of you, Nintendo, for nothing!

NOTHING!!!