Pick-ups: So, XVMarketplace Had a Liqudation Sale

I may have gone too far in a few places.

"XVWhat?", you ask. As far as I can tell, they were an arm of Xtra-vision* that dealt in used (and ex-rental) games and DVDs. Hearing that they were liquidating their stock of PS3 and 360 games for €3 a pop, I hopped on to see if they had anything decent left. I was not left wanting, ending up with close to a hundred freakin' games by the time I was done. (I haven't even counted them yet!) Let's take a look.

*Kind of the Irish answer to Blockbuster, and doing just about as well at the moment. Yikes.



Somewhere Bobby Kotick is crying into a big pile of money. (Not because of this. Just in general. :D) With even used CoD games going for up to €20 still, €3 each was a steal for these. Having just played through the first Modern Warfare (Only the most current, cutting edge, tripe A games for me. As always.), and having quite enjoyed it (I guess I would have preferred it to be a little more open and a little less "cinematic", but damn, did it play well.), I'm really looking forward to getting stuck into these. Gears 2 and 3 less so, but like I said back at E3 time, they were €3; I couldn't resist! Haze, much like Perfect Dark Zero back in the day, I just need to know. I was a big fan of Free Radical's stuff in the early days; I need to see how it all fell apart, or hey, how Haze is actually a totally under-appreciated FPS gem. (It's not though, is it?)



More top-quality man-holding-gun cover art. With the exception of Quantum of Solace, this is all pretty well-regarded stuff. I do have a weird fascination with Bond games, so I had to grab that one no matter what though. Sadly they didn't have Blood Stone (RIP., Bizzare Creations). Quite interested to check out the 2009 Wolfenstein here - a game that's very much been overshadowed by The New Order, I think, but I remember the Giant Bomb guys at least liking it a fair bit. I think it's got some open world stuff too; should be interesting. Finally, Shadows of the Damned. Love me some Suda 51, not sure why I never got around to buying this back when it came out.



Yes! Finally I can weigh in that still-contentious Infamous v. Prototype debate. (Not even sure if Sony and Activision care at this point though. :D) Fleshed out my last-gen Rockstar collection a bit here too. After loving Read Dead, and being super bummed with the direction they took GTA IV, and even the DLC packs in, I'm not sure what to expect out of L.A. Noire and Max Payne 3. (Is it just me that finds that that guy holding the gun on the cover super out of place, and hilarious for some reason?)

Deus Ex: Human Revolution, I hope is working, because it's one of the more scratched-up discs of the lot, but also one of the games I'm most looking forward to playing (even if I never did get around to firing up the original on Steam). Also, a bit of Clanc. Like I've probably mentioned before, I've always liked the idea of Splinter Cell; it's the strict stealth that's always put me off. My understanding is that Blacklist is old Splinter Cell for babies who like Assassin's Creed, so maybe this is finally the Splinter Cell for me. (To be fair, I still need to try Conviction though.)



I told you I went too far! Yep, I picked up some Kinect games. And I don't even own a Kinect. And I'm positive that I don't have enough room for one. AND why would I ever want to play Fable: the Journey in the first place!? I can't even refuse to sign the wall at this point, and just write "NOPE" across Peter Molenuux's big bald head. :D

I do own a Move though, and all the associated paraphernalia. Still trying to justify that purchase, I picked up The Shoot and Sports Champions. (Tragically, they were sold out of the Danny Trejo pièce de résistance, The Fight: Lights Out.) Hey, I'm no motion control hater, but the Move is also no Wii Remote. I've got it to work great as a pointer in the few light gun games they put out for it, but anything requiring other motions? Forget it. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, if anything, but I thought both Child of Eden and Kung Fu Rider controlled like trash with the Move.

This Holiday I 'Ave Been Mostly Playing...

Saints Row IV

With it being Christmas, it finally felt appropriate to give How the Saints Saved Christmas a spin, 2013's holiday-themed DLC I somehow never got around to. Didn't really dig it much to be honest. I didn't think the missions were especially great (boy, did I have some trouble delivering freaking presents in the sleigh one). I didn't think it felt Christmassy enough either. Maybe it was the music; They certainly throw enough snow and festive lights at you at least. On top of that, I really didn't care for the story. I was expecting Saint's Row to do something a little different, but all you get here is your typical subversive Santa tale where yes, Santa embodies the festive spirit and all things good, but when Santa needs to kick ass he does, with guns. Same as South Park, same as dozens of other things. And, of course the Saints' boss thinks he's awesome. Yeah, no thanks.

Enter the Dominatrix though, was absolutely the Saints Row craziness I was looking for. It's hard to tell what's true and what's fictional, though there's certainly some truth here given the development history of SRIV, but this presents Enter the Dominatrix as this unfinished piece of DLC, abandoned in favour of SRIV that the Saints are being interviewed about making on their ship. That's how each mission gets introduced; the cutscenes are all presented as animated storyboards, property of Volition; and some great use of FMV. It's all super weird, very post-modern and well worth a play-through I'd say.

Mass Effect 3 DLC (360)

After several false starts, I finally knuckled down and played through Leviathan over the break. Gotta say, I found the initial adventure game-y mission where you look for clues in a scientist's house a bit of a chore, which is probably why it took me so many attempts to get started on this. Mainly though, this DLC is made up of two, maybe three fairly standard combat missions. You get some pretty big story bombs dropped at the end, mainly regarding the Reapers, but unless you really like Mass Effect's combat I'd give this a miss and catch the last mission on YouTube instead.

Citadel though, is pretty awesome. It should be too for the price and the 4 gigabyte, two part download (which proved to just a breeze to download with my 360 getting confused as to which part was which *and* freaking Lizard Squad banging at the door of Xbox Live). Somehow I'd gotten the impression that there were no real mission in this one, just a big party in a Citadel apartment, a way of saying goodbye to all the surviving Mass Effect 1-3 squad mates. This isn't the case though. The bulk of the content in this is actually a terrific series of missions across the Citadel (and somewhere else you might not expect) involving every squad member (outside Kasumi and Zaeed, though they do show up later. I'm guessing only if you already had their ME2 DLC though) against quite an unexpected antagonist.

Following that you get to throw the party, which is quite good fun: lots of entertaining situations and some pretty great dialogue. After the party's wrapped up you also get to hang out with pretty much every guest at some location on the new Silversun Strip area of the Citadel, where you get a brief little scene with each of them. You can also invite everyone up to your apartment individually for more scenes and more dialogue. The whole pack's a blast: light-hearted, full of in-jokes, and freaking packed with content. If you like the characters of Mass Effect, this DLC is well worth it.

The Steam Holiday Sale

Hah! Just kidding. The Holiday Sale has been going downhill for several years now, but this one was the worst in a while. Not that I didn't pick up a few odds and ends and constantly keep checking it anyway. I do miss the days of the big daily sale catalogues and the achievement-based holiday events though. The card and gem stuff they've got going on now couldn't be less appealing.

(But you should totally buy them off me anyway.)



Retron 5!

I still can't believe it, but it finally arrived after over a year of waiting. As for the console itself, it it's not the best-looking machine: quite bulky, and long, and the grey is a fair bit darker than I was expecting. The controller ports are a bit of a pain too, being on the sides. Come on, guys, you could have at least stuck one SNES port on the front, they're quite a squeeze to get into when you've got a Wii U on one side and the wall on the other. I'm using them regardless though because the wireless pad the Retron comes with is fucking HORRIBLE. The buttons and the clicky nub thing feel way worse than I'd been led to believe online. Mercifully though, you really don't need the included pad for anything. The Home menu button as well as save states and the like can be remapped to button combos on a real controller. (I'm using Select and R for save state and Select and L for load state. It's working pretty well so far).

As for the cart slots, much derided for their tightness on release: they're fine. I've used the NES, SNES, Genesis and GBA slots so far. The top slots are a little tighter than the original consoles,but I had no difficulty removing carts, and I've never felt that I was in any danger of doing damage to either the carts or the console itself.

For actually playing games though, it's fantastic. Popping in a NES game and having it boot first time, every time feels like freaking sorcery. Everything looks great too. It only upscales games to 720p, but, at least on my 22-inch LED, the games look great. Like in most cases where filtering options are available though, I find the graphics look much better left as they are.

As for Game Boy games: It's a pity there isn't any Super Game Boy functionality built in to the emulator*, but original Game Boy games look nice and sharp; GBC games too; GBA games, I might need to do a little more experimenting to confirm, but this may be the best I've seen them looking on this TV. I'm going to say better than the Wii U or Visual Boy Advance on my PC.

And a final note: the Master System Converter / Power Base Converter (that I specifically bought for this like, nine months ago) totally works. So, anyone know any Master System games worth getting? Anyone?

* EDIT: Turns out I was wrong about Super Gameboy support. Since a software update last September, it now supports both SGB borders and the pre-defined colour palettes that came built into the SGB (as well as the GBC and GBA) for older games like Super Mario Land and Tetris. Pretty freaking awesome.

Super Mario Advance (Gameboy Advance [via Retron 5)

Here's where the cheating begins. :D After being stuck on Wart since 2012, I busted this out on the Retron and gave 7-2 the save-state-infused business. Actually, the Wart fight, at least in this version, isn't that tough thanks to a set of life-restoring hearts you can go back and grab with the Princess mid-fight. In my defence, I did try and run through the last level again unassisted right after, but just ended up doing in fewer save states. :D Fuck it, I beat this game (somehow) eighteen years ago on the SNES; I'm not going to loose any sleep over it.

Overall: a totally solid port of the Mario All-stars version of Mario 2, but there's really no good reason to get this unless you badly want this version of the game on the go. The additional stuff they added to this port is minor.

Super Mario Deluxe (Gameboy Color [via Retron 5])

Another Mario port that I was stuck pretty far into (this time on 8-2). I didn't abuse the Retron quite as much here though. I set a save state a few seconds into each level and just kept reloading until I nailed each one, leading to the surprising revelation that you can keep small Mario within the arc of the Hammer Brother's and avoid being hit if you just move around a little as they do. (I'm going to thank the epic Rex showdown of Metal Gear Scanlon for the inspiration to try it out.) Also that last level: actually pretty easy, just a bit of a pain to navigate for the first time in many, many years.

Also gave the Mario Vs. Boo mode a spin, which is surprisingly fun. You race through a set of, I think, specially designed levels against a boo to reach the flagpole. The twist is that boo can trigger barriers to impede your progress through the level that that asshole can just pass through. You, on the other hand, need to hit special blocks to temporally deactivate them. About as frustrating as it sounds, but quite tense and again, surprisingly fun. The type of mode that could have really spiced up Super Mario Advance. I guess we were expected to make do with that port of Mario Bros.. Actually, the care and the amount of extra content Nintendo put in here makes me sad that there weren't more of these GBC deluxe re-releases. Too bad Metroid II apparently got canned. As for the main game here, it's definitely a playable version of SMB, with some nice bells and whistles (a map screen!), but the limited amount of screen width can make things a bit challenging at times.



Assassin's Creed Revelations (PS3)

Wrapped up the last few hours of this on Christmas Night (and preceded to spend a very long time sitting through unskippable credits. Seriously, Ubisoft WTF?). I'd put off trying this out for a long time. While I loved Assassin's Creed II, Brotherhood, I played through just over a year later and it left me kind of cold. I could certainly see that it was a really good game, but it was so similar in so many respects that the whole time I was playing it, it felt like I was just playing through ACII again. Along with the tepid reviews and the apparent in-game emphasis on how old and useless Ezio was now, I was ready to skip over this entry entirely and give ACIII a shot instead. I'm glad I didn't though. Yes, this game is kind of just ACII again, but it turns out stabbing guys in open world, historical setting is still quite entertaining; turns out I just needed more of a break between games.

Gameplay-wise, pretty much everything makes a return from Brotherhood, with relatively few new additions, the main one being a new tower defence mode that you can be sure I avoided like the plague. :D For a now annualized series apparently worked on by thousands, this is also still quite a lovingly-crafted game. The soundtrack is as fantastic as ever, it still looks good, the location, Constantinople here, still has an air of historical authenticity to it.

I was pleased to see too that Ezio's age isn't the big deal it appeared to be in a lot of coverage of the game: You don't have him constantly sputtering and groaning as makes his way across the rooftops; The cutscenes aren't a constant barrage of ageist abuse. It's occasionally acknowledged by the other characters or the NPCs, but other than that, it's mostly just ignored.

While I'm on the subject of the cutscenes, I really need to give the storytelling some props here. Well, at least the in-animus stuff (I never gave a fuck about the modern day Desmond stuff. Seriously all the people who wanted a modern AC starring that freaking nothing character, why? Not only would that lack the best thing about the series, the historical setting, you'd have to play a whole game as, the entire story would revolve around fucking Desmond.). It feels way more focused and coherent than past entries where I always felt like I was missing huge chunks of character and plot development between leaps in time. I guess that's easier when the story spans a much shorter period, but still. (Actually, to be fair to Desmond, some of the childhood back story you get from him in this game, I found quite engaging. It's only when he moved onto the pre-Assassin's Creed 1 stuff that the urge to hit the mute button became almost unbearable. Seriously, fuck Desmond).

I guess my major criticism of the game is that it feels somewhat light in content. I didn't check but it feels like there are far less story missions here than in the last two games. And I want to say there are less side missions too. I suppose that's to be expected for a non-numbered, annualized sequel though. Still, overall I had a blast. I'm almost excited to try AssCreed III now, despite the gigantic u-turn the internet's taken on it over the last two years. Eh, I might learn a bit of American history at the very least. :D

Microsoft's E3 Media Briefing 2013: Not-so-live Impressions

It's E3 week again and as always Microsoft were up first with their conference on Monday. On the back of their poorly-received console unveiling last month, they were promising "games, games, games" for this thing, as well as the return of a "historic" Rare franchise. After complaining about the lack of both for several years now, I felt compelled to tune into this one. Who knows, maybe they'd pull something out of the bag that'd sell me on the Xbox One in the same way their early output sold me on the Xbox 360. Or maybe they'd just bore me to tears as usual.

I tuned into Gamespot's stream on Monday night to find out. Ball's in your court now, Don:

• -:--:-- - Oh, geez two hours and sixteen minutes! If this goes down any like I'm expecting it to, this is going to be a loooong night.
• -:--:-- - Currently being treated to music I can only describe as being halfway between Braid and Assassin's Creed. No conference yet though.
• -:--:-- - Another hot banger; I think I need to skip ahead a bit here.
• -:--:-- - Oh, there's a bit of a Gamespot pre show this time. I've actually been quite enjoying the couple of episodes of Gameplay I've listened to since the Xbone reveal, but I think I'd rather just get this over with as soon as possible. :D
• 0:01:32 - Okay, here we go. Call of Duty first or last I wonder? because they'll definitely show it again, Xbone and dog jokes be damned.
• 0:02:06 - Looks like Gamespot may have jumped the gun a bit by cutting to the stage now. Nothing happening yet.
• 0:03:35 - The screen's come to life with visions of the controller and the console; I guess it's about to start. I really hope Sony do better with their box. That thing still looks fugly.
• 0:05:34 - STILL NOTHING. But on the plus side, that means less time for the actual conference. I'd like to not think of that as a plus, but this is Microsoft we're talking about.

•  0:07:10 - An ESRB rating. It must be starting this time. Also, can I point out how weird ratings on game footage continues to be? At least they aren't age gating these. Yet.
• 0:07:18 - Sounds like the Microsoft employees are out in full force. :)

• 0:07:32 -  Ooh, Konami. Looks like a Phantom Pain trailer. Got to admit, I know virtually nothing about this game.
• 0:07:58 - Yes, of course Kojima Productions. Geez audience, what did you expect it to be? Pro Evolution Adventures?
• 0:08:42 - Wow, that was some award-winning dialogue there, Kojima. Looks great though.

 

• 0:08:57 - An open world MGS will probably be pretty cool. Is it just me or is the weird fast-forwarding combined with the bullet points here super-dumb?
• 0:10:04 - A whole section obscured by dust? Licensed watches? Okay, I'm pretty sure Kojima is just trolling now, or at least fishing for GIFs. Uh, maybe this isn't the strongest foot to start the conference on, Microsoft. Unless this is an Xbox One exclusive...
• 0:10:10 - Realistic passage of time - just like Ocarina of Time. In 1998.
• 0:10:20 - "Deeper stealth action". What does that even mean?

• 0:11:31 - Also starring: Tidus. Man, hearing Jack Bauer's voice coming out of Snake is really weird.
• 0:11:54  - And introducing: Quantic Dream's old-ass man from the PS4 reveal.
• 0:12:57 - No just cause? Fuck you, Avalanche. Have to admit that that's a pretty rad song.
• 0:13:38 - Explosion count: 0. good job, Kojima!

• 0:13:56 - Kojima's back. And Mattrick. Whoop-de-doo.
• 0:14:29 - I'm Hideo Kojima and I approve of this message. Wow, that was embarrassing. Doesn't seem to be exclusive though. E3 Hype Train!
• 0:14:44 - 13 exclusives? Already down 2 already then from what they said in May.
• 0:14:50 - WTF Microsoft employees? Stop missing your cues!
• 0:15:02 -  A 360 section? Anything besides the Fable remake, I wonder? I could see a Halo 2 anniversary edition. Maybe a couple of XBLA games?

• 0:15:10 - Great, this guy. TV, anyone?
• 0:15:39 - Yep, the 360 redesign is happening.
• 0:15:49 - Available today! Uh, I really don't think many people are going to care at this point.
• 0:15:56  - "We're going to make your Xbox live gold membership better too." By making it free? Like it should be anyway.
• 0:16:31 - Of course not! Here, have some old games. Actually, this might be potentially cool. At least if you could manage to get a six month membership card on the cheap. Otherwise it would be probably be cheaper to go used (while you still can). Not sure I'd want to risk auto renewals getting switched back on either.
• 0:16:50 - Literally hundreds of games coming to 360 over the next few years. So why should I upgrade again, Microsoft? :)
• 0:17:23 - 3 new 360 games. Sounds like League of Legends is one.

• 0:18:08 - What?
• 0:19:04 - World of Tanks? Really? What? Why?

• 0:19:29 - Can't believe they're giving this stage time. Holy shit, Microsoft.
• 0:20:20 - You know, I have a super-bad feeling that Fantasia is the third game.
• 0:21:11 -  Oh. Max and the Magic Marker 2. Yeah, I think Microsoft bought these guys.

• 0:21:16 - Those crazy Danes.
• 0:21:34 - That sure is some impressive voice acting.
• 0:22:19 - Can't say I'm excited for this. Fuck that first game.
• 0:22:32 - Dark Souls 2? Pretty much everything I hear about these makes me not want to play them. Still, I'm kind of curious to give one a try. Probably not going to be this version whatever it is though.

• 0:23:52 - Yep. And now, Phil Spencer.
• 0:24:09 - Well, if there's a new Killer Instinct it's going to be here. Can't wait for it to be Grabbed by the Ghoulies Kinect. :D
• 0:24:21 - More titles in development than any time in Xbox history? Well, wouldn't be hard to top the last three years anyway.
• 0:24:41 - Indies notably absent there.
• 0:25:05 - First game. Looks like this might be Ryse.
• 0:25:47 - Yep. Wasn't this a Kinect game. Wasn't this the TV kicking game?

• 0:26:47 - Half expecting Spartacus and co. to turn up and murder these fools.
• 0:27:31 - The Normandy Landing: Rome Edition.
• 0:28:12 - The good news? Looks like this isn't for Kinect anymore. The bad? The combat (at least) seems to consist entirely of quick time events.
• 0:29:09 - Shields! Arrows! This looks terrible.
• 0:29:43 - "In the interest of time" What?! Our gameplay is so boring and long-winded we decided to skip it?
• 0:30:07 - I'd have considered a Sparta joke there, but I'm just flabbergasted that this piece of shit is what they're leading with.
• 0:30:37 - Walking seems to be real-time at least. Awesome.
• 0:32:17 - And they're even bringing a Crytek guy on to talk about it?

• 0:33:00 - Oh man! It's true. Freaking Killer Instinct. Loved the first game, but if Microsoft think this is going to be a huge launch title they're smoking some potent shit.
• 0:33:07 - They got the KI announcer back! That's pretty cool.

• 0:33:40 - Hmmm, can't say that footage looked all that great. Those new character designs look...rough.
• 0:33:57 - ...and FUSE. Wait, where's everyone going? So I guess they've signed up Insomniac for an exclusive.
• 0:34:31 - Sunset Overdrive. Another shooter, but with a name like that, it's got to be something at least marginally different.
• 0:34:58 - Sounds like a multi player, open world shooter with new challenges and the like being added regularly. You know, thanks to the INFINITE POWER OF THE CLOUD.

More after the jump, in the cloud!

Microsoft's E3 Conference 2012: No-so-live Impressions

It's that time of year again, people. I missed the Microsoft conference live again this year, but caught Gamespot's recording a few hours later. So do Microsoft have any surprises to pull out of the bag this time, or will it be more of the same old franchises, more Kinect and more media stuff? Given how these things have turned out since I started watching them, and the fact that we're at the end of an extremely long console cycle here, I wasn't exactly holding my breath.

0:00:06 - Looking at the empty stage wondering if anything's going to come out of this besides misery, despair and Halo. :D

0:00:23 - The Xbox 360 start-up logo. Weird.

0:00:35 - Straight into a video. Call of Duty, surely. Serious face is serious.

0:00:56 - Nope Halo 4. Still haven't played that PC copy of Halo 1 btw. :D

0:02:19 - Well, that live action trailer was a load of corny looking, nonsensical shit. But never fear, Master Chief's here.

0:02:38 - He seems oddly unfazed by the ship crashing a few feet directly above him.

0:03:00 - A giant ball? What?

0:03:31 - Sure looks like Halo.

0:03:44 - Graphics are quite nice though.

0:04:58 - "Activity all around us" - four minor enemies at most.

0:05:17 - Okay, in fairness, that's a lot of enemies. No wait, they're running away. :D

0:07:19 - Maybe if I knew anything about Halo, I'd be pretty pumped right now, but all that footage has me thinking about is a new Metroid Prime. Come on Retro, get on it!

0:07:33 - Nooooooooooooo! Sexy AI girl is dying. Or something.

0:07:47 - And the crowd goes wild.

0:07:56 - No, I won't welcome Don Mattrick, lady.

0:08:17 - Wait an minute. The conference was exclusive to Xbox Live gold members on the 360? Bloody hell, Microsoft.

0:08:29 - One Xbox fanboy wooing the sales figures in the audience. Douche chill!

0:09:02 - Yep, the magic of Kinect. Rider, meet horse; horse, meet rider.

0:09:57 - Another trailer.

0:11:04 - I guess this'll fill that niche for brutal torture left by 24.

0:11:25 - Yep, Splinter Cell. Well, at least it's not a Kinect game. Probably.

0:11:42 - Throw in a few vials of nerve gas and a shadowy American behind it all and that's totally a plot from 24.

0:12:29 - Looks like Sam's been watching some Starsky and Hutch DVDs lately. :D

0:13:36 - Kinect voice recognition - still not a compelling gameplay feature in any way.

0:15:57 - You know, I might be into this though. As far as stealth goes, it seems much more along the lines of Assassin's Creed than old school Splinter Cell. The spy stuff in the series always looked appealing, but it always looked way too demanding for me. Really hope Kinect isn't required for this though.

0:16:41 - Compelling single player. My favourite kind, as always.

0:16:54 - Zzzzzzzz EA Spots stuff. What could they possibly have to show for 360 at this point?

0:17:54 - Kinect again. So, nothing then?

0:18:58 - Changing formations with Kinect might be the first useful thing anyone's come up with for voice commands on Kinect so far. Substitutions look kind of fiddly though, and everything else is bleeping gimmick central.

0:19:51 - Madden stuff. Time for a quick power nap methinks.

0:20:41 - Shenanigans! No way this hasn't been rehearsed and choreographed to death beforehand. I'm on to you, Joe Montana.

0:22:04 - "A new darkness threatens Albion". Oh, goody Fable: The Journey. I heard it's on-rails.

0:22:27 - Not Keanu Reeves unleashes his Kinect magic and suddenly we're watching the intro to Super Mario Galaxy.

0:23:00 - Not really. It's more like Dragon Quest Swords, but somehow even less appealing.

0:23:42 - "Only the best games are on Xbox" [Citation Needed]

0:23:52 - Fucking really? Another Halo and and that shitty on-rails Fable game make this the biggest year for games on Xbox?

0:24:38 - So I guess this segment is Microsoft making sure core gamers know they're being catered to this year. here comes the trailer for the next Gears of War.

0:25:24 - Sure looks like Gears, but I wonder what Ice T thinks.

0:26:11 - And a Forza trailer.

0:26:29 - Street racing. Bold new direction, guys; If it weren't for the dubstep, I'd be convinced I'd warped back to 2002 somehow.

0:27:42 - Looks like the content provider announcement segment. Always a highligZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

0:28:06 - Hold the phone, guys. Searching movies by genre is coming to Xbox.

0:28:25 - Yeah, we get it, guy. Xbox Bing Horse Porn.

0:29:06 - "The magic of voice search". Kinect really isn't that magical. Okay, Microsoft?

0:29:18 - Oh good, the same shit again in Spanish. :D

0:30:56 - Do people really watch sports through the 360? Really?

0:34:38 - Xbox Music. The dream of Zune lives on.

Shepard, What's Wrong With Your Faaaace?

I was going to put together a little tutorial on how to import your Mass Effect 1 Sheppard into Mass Effect 3, but now that that problem's been fixed, there isn't really much point. I've still got a photo I was saving for it on my hard drive though, so why don't I post it anyway?



Here she is, after about an hour of faffing around, and having to to manually enter a long-ass code with the 360 pad (bottom left). I'm glad I went to all that trouble though; it just wouldn't be the same going through this game with any other version of Shepard after the 70 or so hours I put into the first two. The code I got initially didn't include all her features though; I was originally left with a bald, make-up free version with white eyebrows, that I had to tweak manually using a couple of pics that I took of her Mass Effect 2 incarnation. Oh look, here they are now:





Not a bad match I think. They're both miles better than the version of her face from ME1, which had this really jarring, odd-looking join between her forehead and her hair. Having just watched all of BGS before I started playing it, I was going for a Starbuck-esque look at the time, but I have a feeling that the character editor in ME1 was aimed more at making bald space marines than tough, blonde military girls.

Oh, and while I'm at it, I might as well pop up my finished Xbox 360 Mass Effect 2 save file. I needed to extract it from my 360's wad of Mass Effect 2 data in order to get the face code. If anyone wants to start up Mass Effect 3 as a female paragon (who knew to kick Ashley to the kerb when the opportunity presented itself), be my guest. You're on your own as far as using it goes, but there should be plenty info online. Link.

Backlog Assault: 'Splosion Man

In the last few years I've built up a pretty crazy gaming backlog. This year, I've decided it's high time I do something about it. Join me as I begin to regret more than ever all those impulse Steam buys and 99 cent PS2 bargains:

Title: 'Splosion Man
Platform: XBLA

Bought: 26 November 2010
From: Xbox Live Arcade
Price: 160 points
Beaten: 14 July 2010

Backloggery Dump:

• 20/06/11 - I'm up to level 3-10 now. Really enjoying it so far.
• 21/06/11 - Beat the last nine levels tonight. Cool game, bosses were a bit annoying though.

Thoughts:

A really solid, lengthy platformer, so much so that I feel slightly guilty for having paid so little for it. :D In it, you play as the titular 'Splosion Man, a mass of burning embers, whose only ability is to explode, which allows him to jump, bounce off walls and kill enemies. You can only explode three times in a row before needing to recharge though.This limitation, along with the rather excellent level design calls for some satisfyingly high-level platforming skill and ingenuity  to get through the game's fifty or so levels. The game does get quite difficult as you get further into it, but the levels are pretty well-checkpointed and deaths rarely feel unfair, which both help to keep frustration to a minimum.

On the other end of the rage-o-meter though are the handful of boss battles you run into at the end of each set of levels. The zoomed-out camera and the dark surroundings during these stages make it pretty hard to keep track of where you are, making it harder to avoid getting hit boss patterns you've yet to learn.Get hit once and you die, forcing you to replay the boss fight from the start - not fun, especially when you're doing it for the tenth or twelfth time.

Boss battles aside, the only other thing that really didn't do it for me here, despite how much it's been talked up, was the game's humour. Maybe I didn't give it a fair chance, but the bibble coming from both Splosion Man and the bosses immediately turned me off and It wasn't long until I headed to the options menu and issued gagging orders all round. The ending FMV and the credits songs are the parts that seem to draw the most praise though and frankly, all that stuff had me staring blankly at the screen and thinking "that's it?"; Tastes differ I guess. None of that stopped me from enjoying the game itself though, which I did quite a lot.

Definitely Not Live Blogging Microsoft's E3 2011 Conference

It's almost a week later now, but let me to take you back to the halcyon days of last Monday, where Microsoft blew the lid of their E3 offerings with my own real time impressions. I missed the live conference, but watching the GameSpot recording allowed me to pause the proceedings and make many more non-insightful comments than if I was watching it live. Lucky you.

Although I've never done this for the Microsoft conference, I have watched it as a prospective customer of theirs for the last few years and last year I finally got around to buying a 360. With a year's worth of playing neither dudebro-pleasing first person shooters nor Kinect shovelware, will Microsoft have anything to offer me during this? Is there even a slight glimmer of hope that Rare will ever get to make anything besides Kinect Sports? Well, let's find out:

• 0:00:21 Kicking off with Modern Warfare 3. Never actually played a Call of Duty game, let alone a Modern Warfare game or even many FPSs for that matter. Let the excitement commence.
  
• 0:02:43 Swimming slowly underwater for almost three minutes now. Thrilling. There must be big reveal at the end of this surely.
• 0:02:55 A second checkpoint? You haven't even done anything yet!
• 0:05:29 Shooting military guys from a first person view. This is innovative stuff.
• 0:08:00 The demo guy gets out of the sub and we're taken on a tour through a harbour full of naval vessels laying waste to an American city and being bombed to shit in return. Looks cool, but there's very little in the way of gameplay here.
• 0:08:40 Look at that sky; UK Resistance must be turning in it's grave
• 0:10:00 MW3 - "big", "epic" and launching on Nov 8.
• 0:10:35 Hi, Don!
• 0:11:12 Infinity Ward and Sledgehammer Games - The World's Greatest Storytellers™.
  
• 0:12:03 Tomb Raider.
• 0:14:43 Looks nice, but super-linear.
• 0:15:30 Man, Lara's not having much luck with that torch.
• 0:17:22 You know, if she stopped talking to herself so much, maybe those zombie guys would have a harder time finding her.
• 0:18:18 "Visceral combat" - it's the only kind I care about.
• 0:18:21 I'm cautiously optimistic about Tomb Raider. I'm digging the visual style, but I hope it turns out to be more that a series of linear corridors, broken up by a few quick time events.

More impressions and some final thoughts after the jump