Nintendo Direct 13/09/18: Extremely Not-so-live Impressions

Wow! This one really fell through the cracks. From last September the 13th's Nintendo Direct, the coldest takes on Luigi's Mansion and Nintendo Switch Online; the hottest Katamari, Switch Pro Controller, and Splatoon trailer burns. Oh yeah, it's a spicy one!

• 00:01 - Pegi 18? Okay! Maybe finally some Bayonetta 3 here. (It's going to a Devil's Third Definitive Edition, isn't it? I just know it!)

• 00:25 - Aah! Full disclosure: I did see the title of this pop up beforehand. I'm just wondering which platform. Surely not 3DS. Just let it go, Nintendo.
• 00:33 - I hate to be down on this, but man, I'd be so much more excited for another Luigi's Mansion if I hadn't just put a bunch of time into Luigi's Mansion 2. I'm on to the third mansion at the moment, and it's just.. not really doing it for me. I feel like they took the relatively light puzzle-solving component of the first game and ratcheted it up to breaking point, cramming the game to the brim with irritating puzzles that always seemed to based on some obtuse action that never seems even remotely apparent. Maybe I'm just dumb. :D

• 00:37 - Well, this certainly looks like a Switch game anyway. Liking the Art Deco look here.

• 00:43 - Gah! That ghost looks unnervingly like Luigi, and it's freaking me out!

• 00:48 - Okay, next year and on the Switch. Hoping this one at least makes the puzzles more fun. Possibly reading too much into production art here, but I'm guessing from the size of that mansion that there won't be other mansions this time around. Could we we a see a return of a more open, Luigi's Mansion 1 style mansion, instead of LM2's missions too? Hope so!

• 00:55 - Hmm, Takahashi returning from E3's Direct? It really looked like they'd kind of settled on Koizumi for helming these, but I guess they're still kind of in experimentation mode.

• 01:23 - Boooooo! No, let's not.

• 01:33 - Wow, Kirby's Epic Yarn: there's a blast from the past. A really fun little game - don't get me wrong - but come on, why not a HD remaster on a platform it might actually sell on, Nintendo? I swear, it's getting harder and harder to understand their continued support for the 3DS with each passing Direct.

• 02:35 - Bowser Jr.!? Guessing this must be another Mario & Luigi port. Maybe Mario Sunshine? Nah, no way!

• 02:39 - Oh right, Bowser's Inside Story! I guess this isn't out yet. Ask me anything about the 3DS's 2019 release schedule.
• 02:55 - Go on Bowser Jr.'s journey? Finally!

• 03:50 - Yikes, that's even more unsettling than the Luigi ghost from earlier. (Edit: And this was before I even knew he was called Gooigi. *shudder*) Yeah, won't be picking up Luigi's Mansion again on the 3DS, though I expect I'd be having more fun replaying that than I'm having with 2 right now.

• 04:23 - Oh right! Wow, I forgot the New 3DS even had amiibo support. Speaking of which, I really need to grab the last of the Mario collection ones. That Luigi one: pretty sharp. Still no Luigi's Mansion amiibos though, even with TWO compatible games on the horizon! Hmm, yeah, after the new Smash Bros. ones, I have a feeling that Nintendo are getting out of amiibo business. *sigh* So many cool Zelda side characters that we'll never get.

• 04:46 - Wow, that bootleg Ecto-1 is blatant.
• 05:22 - No, I really don't know why, Voice-over Guy.

• 05:25 - Yeah, Voice-over Guy, I think I'm going to go and continue to ignore every aspect of the Yo-Kai Watch franchise. I's been working out pretty well for me so far.
• 05:31 - Oh, who could have possibly forgotten about the Moon Crew update? I mean, really.

• 05:39 - Not so good, Takahashi. :D

• 05:52 - Arrrrrrggghhhh!!! Splatoon 2 updates: the one thing even more boring than 3Ds announcements! :P

• 07:11 - It's weird how I've gone from so excited about Splatoon pre-release to so... annoyed by it now. The more of these promos I've had to sit through, the more I've come to kind of loathe it's, like, in-your-face 'tude. Maybe I'd change my tune if I ever played that copy of Splatoon 1 for more than ten minutes. Or maybe not. Urgh, these trailers are just so obnoxious and in love with themselves now. Hate them! :D

• 07:51 - Mega Man 11. Still not crazy about the look of this, even having seen a bunch of it in motion now - I'd have much preferred a 32-bit-looking pixel-based game - but, gameplay-wise at least, it looks pretty solid.
• 08:59 - Ooh, there's a demo? Might check that out.

• 08:56 - Popular characters are joining the roster, you know, like Shy Guy.
• 09:21 - Haven't picked up up Mario Tennis Aces yet. My thinking being that I have Mario tennis on the N64, GameCube, 3DS, and even the GBC, and I've barley touched any of them, so why don't I do that first? :D

• 09:52 - Capcom Beat 'Em Up Bundle. Always great to see to see retro games getting re-released, but I suspect there's nothing on this that I don't have in multiple formats already unfortunately.
• 10:21 - Uh, what? Two new-to-home-console releases: that's cool and all, but seven games? That's it? At what I imagine will be at least thirty bucks, pretty poor value.

• 10:49 - The rumors were true! New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe. Just when you thought that title couldn't possibly get even more unwieldy.
• 10:55 - As generic as it looks, and, holy shit, how generic it sounds, New Super Mario Bros. U is still a damn good platformer. Hopefully more people will give at a shot with this re-release.
• 10:59 - I wonder if there's going to be any major new content here. Probably not. They'll toss in a bit of Mario Odysee themed stuff and call it a day I bet.

• 11:04 - Huh. I was about to talk shit about the concept of anyone being excited to see the two freakin' toads returning, but hell yeah Toadette! Get dunked, blue toad!

• 11:13 - WUH.. HU... HOLY SHIT!!!!! As if Toadette wasn't cool enough on her own - and shut up, she is - she can transform into Peach! I.E. the best Mario Bros. player character.
• 11:18 - Well Peachette anyway. But I'll take it! Especially with her float fully intact. Fuuuuck, I'm definitely buying this game again, aren't I. :D
• 11:26 - New Super Luigi U included as well, of course. Really gutted I never managed to snag one of the limited edition physical copies of that. Ended up getting it digital way later, and then never touching it. Great work all 'round, JiliK! :D

• 11:44 - Oh ew! I guess the joycons at the side of 'deluxe' get the point across that this is the Switch version, but that logo looks terrible.

• 11:51 - Oh, Katamari? Would this be the first Katamari on a Nintendo platform? Yeah, I guess it would. Hot recommends though: both Eledees, and The Munchables on the Wii operate on pretty similar mechanics, and tbh, I enjoyed both of those much more than Katamari. *ducks from incoming debris*

• 12:12 - So, looks like a remaster of the first game, which I haven't actually gotten around to yet. The one I played, to completion, was the second one: We Love Katamari. Between the slightly unwieldy controls; the trying-way-too-hard-to-be-quirky writing; and the amount of times the game started you off in the same area, rolling up the same stuff, I never really had a great time with it. The music even, I'm sad to say, didn't do it for me as much as everyone else. Also, you know what, fuck The King of All Cosmos! Oh, my Katamari doesn't live up to your lofty expectations? Well you destroyed the universe, dude, and you talk like a douchebag. How about a little perspective here!?
• 12:33 - Oh good! Gyro controls will definitely make it better. :D

• 12:58 - Oh, boy! Here comes the Nintendo Online Service news. For a feature you've been promoting even in the very Switch setup process, I expect great things, Nintendo.. Ah, I'm just kidding. This service is going to be the worst. :D

• 13:22 - ... by paying for online!

• 13:47 - Hah! Nintendo will just not give up on trying to make Arms a thing. :D

• 14:08 - Aww, yeah! Gimme that Urban Champion!

• 14:09 - I don't know why they're bothering with NES games as an incentive to subscribe to this thing, multiplayer compatibility or not. Well, I do know: because Nintendo. :D But between three flavors of Virtual Console and the NES Classic, I think they've well and truly exhausted any excitement people would have had for streaming NES games. Also, I feel like the window for capitalizing on NES nostalgia has maybe even passed at this point. Judging by eBay prices at least, I suspect they'd be generating a lot more buzz by doing N64 games for this instead, or hell, why not tap into the fresh waters of the GameCube library? Online TimeSplitters 2 & 3, Super Monkey Ball Mini Games, freakin' Melee. People would eat that up!

• 14:10 - But hey, at least we're finally getting a (streaming only) re-release of Pro Wrestling.

• 14:29 - These Bowser and Bowser Jr. bits really make me appreciate Bowser's skills as a father. Bowser Jr. is still the worst though.

• 14:44 - Nothing else new here as far as I can see. Boo!
• 15:17 - Some software titles may not be compatible with saving in the cloud? For what possible reason? What are you doing with this feature, Nintendo?

• 15:30 - Oh good, they're still sticking with their weird smartphone voice chat workaround. The Nintendo Online Service: a real banger so far! :D
• 15:41 - Oh my god, is the Smartphone app Wii Speak 2.0!? It's totally Wii Speak 2.0!

• 16:01 - If the special offers are anything like the other offers they run on the eShop and My Nintendo, they certainty won't be anything worth getting excited over.
• 16:05 - Yeah, I think my gaming experience is enhanced enough already. Eh, if they bring out another Mario Kart on the Switch I'll probably sign up for a bit. Otherwise I don't see much reason to at the moment.

• 16:40 - A Switch NES controller. Nah. I didn't even use the NES controller that came with the NES classic after I found out that the Classic Controller Pro worked too.
• 16:59 - Yeah, no one is going to play two-player NES games on the couch, Nintendo. It's 2018. I know you think you've tapped into this rich, exploitable vein of NES love with the NES Classic. You haven't; that was such a success because you provided a cheap, cute, easy entryway for all the normies out there into NES nostalgia. :D Those types of people don't have a Switch; they're never even going to hear about this service. You're really barking up the wrong tree here. Multiplayer Double Dash: trust me.

• 17:14 - Ah! Our first Nintendo Switch Online exclusive offer. Well, better than 10-30% off a few random games I guess.

• 17:36 - Finally - time for a well-earned nap after all that intensive market analysis. :D

• 17:59 - Whoah, kid! Do not let that guy teach you his 'secret technique'!

• 19:05 - Diablo III. Man, Diablo was something that was very much on my list of PC games to check out back when I started getting into PC gaming. Ended up playing Torchlight first after hearing great things about it. Got about 3/4 of the way into it, and it just bored the pants off me. Found it really repetitive; found the constant acquisition and equipping of slightly better loot more a chore than a reward, so I never got around to Diablo. Still worth my time, I wonder?
• 19:40 - Gannondorf armor - kind of neat, but if I ever do try out Dablo III, it'll almost certainly be the PC version.

• 19:59 - Urgh! :D

• 21:11 - Ooh, a new Game Freak RPG - The Switch building up a pretty decent library of JRPGs already. (Now if only I had the time to play any of them. :D)

• 21:30 - Oh, interesting - the whole game takes place in one village. So kind of like Shenmue? I'm into it - that's one of the things I liked a lot about that game. You really got familiar with the place and the people as you progressed through it. (Man, it feels kinda weird to be complementing Shenmue with the amount everyone shits on it all the time. Even I went into it - the Dreamcast version - a couple of years ago expecting it to be an amusing mess. Instead I found it quite endearing, like a kind of bad, Japanese Twin Peaks. :D)

• 21:58 - City Skylines. Isn't that the game everyone says is the new Sim City? I haven't touched a city-building game since the copy of Sim City 2000 that came pre-installed on our first computer in the 90's: way too much like work. :D

• 22:39 - Cities Skylines: After Dark. Now we're talking! Turn Safe Search off.

• 22:55 - Ah, it's that mech game from E3 again.
• 23:03 - The moon has fallen? So Child Timeline then, got it. No, wait, wouldn't that be another branch off of the Child Timeline? Is this the one the CDI games take place in?
• 23:23 - So this game has loot then? Could be cool, customizing your mech. Sorry, 'aresnal'.
• 24:04 - Yeah, that looks pretty promising.

• 24:15 - Yoshi's Crafted World? Oof!
• 24:17 - Name aside though, I'm not especially hyped for this, tbh. I'm sure I mentioned it back at E3 time, but I finally finished Woolly World around then, and as adorable as everything in that was, and as much as I wanted to love it, that game, I thought, just never excelled beyond being pretty good: solid, but never excellent. Honestly, even the Woolly aesthetic and the cutsey soundtrack were wearing a bit thin for me by the end of the game. This game being by Good Feel again, I think it's probably going to be a pass for me. The craft look they're going for this time I don't even like to begin with.
• 25:10 - Spring 2019. So filling the Kirby slot from this year again.

• 25:29 - Tabletop gaming - definitely not my forte. I played the 360 demo of Carcassonne once, and that's about it.

• 26:29 - 'Build your greatest empire'? So, Civ maybe? Speaking of games that are way too much like work. :D

• 26:53 - Yep.

• 27:39 - Anyway, Starlink! Looking forward to picking this up on deep discount - just for the Arwing toy - after it inevitably fails. :D Okay, that's kind of mean, but really, a toys to life game in 2018? What are you thinking, Ubisoft? I don't know, maybe this'll turn out be an actually great shooter. I can't really see it happening, but maybe.
• 28:04 - 'Do a barrel roll'? I hate you so much, Voice-over Guy.

• 28:13 - Wolf gnawing on some weird crustacean: that's pretty cool though.

• 28:35 - Definitely getting The World Ends With You at some point though.
• 28:52 - Face Erasure? The deadliest of 80's pop duos.

• 29:15 - Holy crap, am I sick of seeing ads for this Xenoblade DLC pack on Youtube! I'm getting it every single video at the moment. I'll get around to it when I finally play through Xenoblade 1 and 2, Nintendo. Chill out.

• 29:59 - Warframe, Just Dance 2019 and FIFA 19. Yep, don't care about any of those.
• 30:07 - Team Sonic Racing. Kind of stopped paying attention to this once it was confirmed for sure that it'd be Sonic characters and tracks only, but I'll probably get it. It's still kind of a follow-up to Sonic Racing Transformed, which was freakin' fantastic.

• 30:44 - Oooooooooh! Totally called this at E3.

• 30:53 - Oh wait, this is just that Crystal Chronicles remaster. Bleh!

• 31:27 - Oh, Final Fantasy XV Pocket Edition. That's kind of cool.

• 31:48 - And World of Final Fantasy too. Was way more on board with that game when it looked like it was just going to be a chibi-fied retro Final Fantasy game. Then they had to go spoil it with human characters and other BS. 
• 32:13 - And the ports keep coming! I remember hearing about the Chocobo's Mystery Dungeon and Shiren games back in the day. The whole roguelike thing sounded super unappealing at the time. Now it's like half the games being released. Jeez, why is everyone wrong except me? 

• 33:42 - Hmm, the Final Fantasy XII remaster. Normally I'm against getting remasters of games I already own, but this I might grab. I'm sure there are some nice quality of life improvements here, plus neither my rickety old PS2 or the (usually pretty ropey) PCSX2 are exactly ideal ways to play a long JRPG.
• 33:09 - No Final Fantasy VII remake for you , Switch! So, looks like they're porting all the PS1 games too. Hopefully they're not going to bother with the garbage versions of Chrono Trigger, Final Fantasy VI and co. from Steam though, especially on a console that they should have no problem just releasing well-emulated versions of the original games on.

• 33:13 - The Final Fantasy X and X-2 remasters too, of course.

• 33:29 - Huh, no VIII. I guess they haven't done a current gen release of that on any platform yet though, have they?

• 34:03 - A Smash Bros. dock. - There's no better way to show your love for the game, unless you have your Switch turned to have the USB ports facing out, and not with the side of the dock facing out, like a maniac.

• 34:17 - No, I definitely don't want to get my hands on more joy cons, Voice-over Guy. That's why I bought a Pro Controller. And that, real talk, I don't even like the feel of that much. Having beat Odysee with it now, I gotta say it's a massive downgrade from the Wii U Pro controller. For me, that just melts into my my hands. The Switch one though, I don't like at all. It's too small; weirdly angular in shape; most of the buttons on it, and the control sticks have this semi-sharp edge to them, especially ZL and ZR; and speaking of which, the shoulder buttons and the d-pad actually all feel pretty bad to me. I straight up think this might be the worst Nintendo controller I've ever used. Even the NES pad, as uncomfy as the sharp angles could be, at least it had a good d-pad.

• 34:33 - As much crap as it gets from certain quarters, the GameCube controller: leaps and bounds better than the Switch Pro Controller. I wonder if this is the same adapter from the Wii U. That thing was super-hard to get a hold of at the time, so I really hope so.

• 35:01 - Animal Crossing!? The franchise I speculated with increasing confidence over the last two E3s that Nintendo were probably done with for the moment? Welp, there goes my job at Wedbush Morgan.
• 35:51 - Campsite? Oh right, that was a thing. Honestly haven't messed with Nintendo's phone apps since I abandoned Miitomo - chiefly because it always took so freakin' long to load! Bought Super Mario Run when it was on sale for €5 and that's about it.

• 36:11 - Oh FFS! :D Of course it was only a Smash character announcement!

• 36:57 - Tom Nook perusing his collection of snuff videos.

• 37:03 - Hello darkness, my old friend...

• 38:00 - Oh shiiiiiiit! It IS happening. Wait, no, why am I excited? I don't even like Animal Crossing anymore! And it's been throwing off my (otherwise impeccable) prediction game since, what, 2013? How dare you, Nintendo.